I completely vanished about a month ago with no explanation. Here's what happened.
I wasn't taking care of myself. I got a nasty infection. I nearly died. I was lucky to have been found when I was.
So I learned I was diabetic. It's actually well under control as I type this. I'm not even taking insulin for it. They've got me on a pill. All i have to do is watch my diet and watch my blood sugar, and I should be alright.
The problem was that things hit a crisis level. I didn't understand what was happening. I passed out one night and didn't wake up the next day. I woke up in the hospital days later, confused and completely woozy from a combination of being intubated and high on morphine.
I eventually lost my left foot, from which the infection originated. That's the worst part.
I hit some low points. For one, I felt absolutely stupid that this even happened to me. I was humiliated. I started beating myself up pretty badly, because it should never have gotten to this point. I even considered just packing it up and disappearing from the internet, because I didn't want to face anyone and tell them what an idiot I was.
To be perfectly honest, though, I couldn't tell you if I was legitimately depressed or if it was the drugs amplifying the whole experience. Or maybe it was all that time alone, staring at a ceiling, having so much to think about. All I could think about is what a complete asshat I was for allowing this to happen.
All I can say is that when I got ill, I thought it was something I could shake off, like I always do. I didn't realize how sick I was. This was completely avoidable. That's probably the one thought that haunted me over and over is that this didn't have to happen.
But it's not all melancholy and sadness in Neil Land. I'm out of the hospital and rehabbing well at another facility. I'm crushing every obstacle that the therapists put in front of me. I can stand, move about, and do things like going to the bathroom completely on my own. I put depression behind me and motivated myself to get back on my... foot.
And in time, I'll have a prosthetic I can wear to get about. That's what I want more than anything. I want to walk again. I want to move on with my life.
Despite all I've been through and all those low points I talked about, I'm just happy to be alive. I've found that people care about me more than I realized. My whole family came out to support me at my lowest and they brought me back. The sun is shining once more, if only just figuratively. (I'm getting tired of overcast skies.)
So that's the story, my friends. Take it to heart. Take care of yourself. Go to the doctor if you think something's wrong. Don't let things become a crisis.
Send me a private message if you like. Just understand it might take a while to respond.